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Writer's pictureEric Stalloch

Who is a stranger? vs Who is a trusted adult?

Welcome Back! How do I teach my child about strangers?” For more than 40 years we have been teaching this exact topic to physical educators, community groups, and parents through our seminars. Today we want to share 5 scenarios that can be complicated for a child.


Who is a stranger? It can seem like a simple question to answer. In many ways it is, yet it can quickly become confusing for a child. Therefore, keep it simple. A stranger is anyone who is unfamiliar to your child, even if they seem friendly. We recommend teaching that a stranger is anyone whom you, as their parent, have not said it is okay for them to talk to. From this starting point, you can introduce your child to a variety of scenarios overtime, and each time reinforce the rule and explain why the situation is an example of a stranger.


How can it become complicated for a child? Here are 5 scenarios:


1) The person is friendly.

In movies and television, strangers are usually scary men with dark sunglasses. Children naturally want to be helpful. This is why the ploy of asking a child to help look for a lost puppy can work on a child. A friendly man, woman, teenager, or even child can still be a stranger.


2) The person offers a reward.

The offer of candy, movie tickets, toys, balloons, money, electronic devices, and more are just a few tactics to lure a child away. The child may focus on the reward and be distracted from the fact they don’t actually know this person.


3) The person is an adult they have meet before.

This is why the guideline, “someone you have said it is okay to speak with” is crucial. When you were previously present and spoke with an adult, or teenager, and your child interacted with them in a positive way, they may believe this person is no longer a stranger. When they don’t see this person as a stranger, they won’t apply the rules for dealing with strangers.


4) They make friends with a peer (child).

When your child is at school, the playground, or enrolled in an activity, they will make friends. You probably encourage this. However, until you have met the parents of those children and told your child that it is okay, they should not go to their new friend’s house. A child may not see another child as a stranger, and when invited, go with them.


5) Even police officers, fire fighters, and postal workers are strangers.

When a child needs help, they can look for one of these “helpers.” However, if they come up to your child, they are still a stranger. We recommend you teach your child to seek you out immediately.


These are only a few of the scenarios that can complicate “Who is a stranger?” for a child. However, if you constantly reinforce the guideline of “a stranger is someone who you have not said it is okay to speak with,” and discuss each of these scenarios and how they should respond, you will arm your child with the crucial knowledge that can make them safer. In future posts, we will be sharing some additional tips for teaching children how to deal with strangers.


Even if a child does everything right, they could still be faced with being grabbed by a stranger. While learning responses to these situations vary, one common technique is the circular arm breakaway. Learn more about here in one of our earlier posts.


Whom do you know who would benefit from this information? Please share it with them. Until next time...Be Safe!

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